poetry session

Even the pages of my journal knew

How much I loved you

Better than anyone else

Better than you yourself

I poured all hope and faith into our story

All strength and belief into the expected outcomes

Until the expected became too much

Became "not enough"

I stay away from those pages...

But they beckon me to come back

Much like how my spirit calls out to yours

For a sign.. or any form of contact

-j.jimenez

May 2016

poetry session

You thought you could handle his intensity
And as much as it challenged you...
Changed you...
As much as it made you hate yourself for questioning all the visceral feelings you knew to be true...
As much as he still brought out the utmost best in you...
You rode that wave masterfully
In your own way
In your own right
Despite the growing pains of give and take
You still managed to give him more of you than he could ever ask for
You made it easy...
You gave him the universe manifested in your being...

And when the ties were broken
The universe halted
The world became silent
The only difference is
You eventually and painfully outgrew
The world you both made your way into...
The world that you both created...
The world that you both made your home
And you loved every single moment
Every single second
Wouldn't trade it in
Treading with passion

You tried to balance the equation of time x distance with your unwavering support and generosity
Giving more of yourself that was more than necessary
Yet it still wasn't enough...
It still wasn't enough to dissolve the vast geographical meridians in your way
Even though there were countless times that love was magical... Transformational...
Even though those moments were proof... They were temporary...
Even though despite the obvious obstacles...
You believed you would be able to transcend them...
It wasn't enough...

You learned a hard lesson, didn't you?
You learned that... Love ISN'T enough
Even though YOU were enough...
You ARE enough...

YOU are enough with all your quiet strength and vulnerability
YOU are enough with your kind and open heart
YOU are enough with your undying loyalty
YOU are enough with your unapologetic erotic tendencies
YOU are enough with all your fresh wounds and past dated scars
YOU are worthy...

Continue to break...
Continue to empty yourself...
Continue to forgive yourself...
Until you can love yourself again...

poetry session

I am

Trying to find the remaining

Traces of you when we saw each other last…

On my hands

On my skin

On my lips

In my womb

In my heart

In my veins

Traces that have since evaporated into silence and stillness

The kind that turns love from a verb…

Into a noun…

Into just another word

Another sound

The kind that turns emotion upside down

Growing stagnant at every roundabout

I try to counterbalance and transcend the silence…

And all I am left with is defiance

And a need for comprehension…

Where did

We fall?

Where did we

Go wrong?

Where were we travelling to…

To let this go on for so long?

I am trying

To find balance in this equation…

Because I have memorized and know all too well

What it feels like

To multiply distance

By more distance

I know that my third eye and heart weren’t failing me that last time…

Weren’t trying to shield me from the happiness, joy and unity we felt

Every time we divided the distance in half…

In thirds…

In quarters…

In meters…

In millimeters…

Until the distance was slashed down to zero…

Touching…

Making everything real again…

Multidimensional

Recreating linear shapes of your face from screenshots and FaceTime

Into real-time…

Multi-sensory…

Retracing and rehabilitating those pathways where brainwaves

Recollected your touch

Your scent…

And paved new lanes into my mouth to taste you…

You are the same…

Yet new every time…

Those old sensations made new extrapolate into my spirit…

And I re-educate

Resuscitate my inner being…

Remind me why we ever left…?

Remind me why we chose this

Torturous road of unconditional love and

Passionate unrest…?

Remind me…

Remind me…

Remind me…

-j.jimenez

April 2016

  

poetry session

You left traces of your being everywhere

Seeped into every aspect of living

And every intimate state of being

How I now fold shirts just the way you like

How the cutlery is laid

What lotion I like to use

What healthy alternatives to choose for cooking.

I never found it to be anything else but amusing…

We were each other’s companions

I made a home for you

Warm and welcome

Whenever you were ready to come back…

And there was no harm in that…

It’s just that

Now that you’re never coming back

I am conflicted on what to do with

The parts of you that I created in my space

You remind me of my father…

You crept into every aspect of my life despite your absence.

I grew to hate it

Attempted to erase it

I don’t know how old I was

When the line between you wanting to leave became blurred with me wanting to forget you…

Am I still that younger version of me?

Or am I just replicating the behaviour…

Learned from my mother

Demonstrating the definition of love

Was to be “faithful and forever in waiting”

I was never successful…

I believed I had it in me…

And I gave it my best…

No regrets…

My definition of love needs redefining…

Could it be too much to ask to be considered or put first?

Is it too much to handle?

Too unfathomable?

Regardless of the odds

After all, I am my mother’s daughter

I carry my father’s last name…

But I am not their mistakes

I still carry hope

That situations can change…

You have left an imprint onto my soul

And I can never be the same…

Where do I go?

How do I begin to heal

The now empty spaces that your absence has unpleasantly revealed?

j.jimenez

May 2016

poetry session

You asked me to write you a love poem

Because it let you know how much I loved you

And I wrote them

Alchemistic in nature

I turned every feeling you gave me

Every instance of joy and ecstasy…

Pain and pleasure

Every moment you challenged me

Every moment of anger

Of freedom and redemption

Of sorrow and grief

Of home and healing

And transformed them into countless anthologies

And showered them over you

Demonstrated them to you

Through action

Never stagnant

Never prideful

Never judgemental

Accepted your scars

And caressed your wounds

If only you knew

The universes I created for you

Where we were so intertwined

Our unborn children lovingly

With curiosity

Listened to our soliloquies…

They

Heard bedtime stories

And amused by them

They

Cradled and fell asleep to them

You asked me

To feed you

So…

We both travelled together

Wearing nothing but vulnerability and trust

And unexpectedly supplied each other

An endless abundance of love

That it may as well have been

Us bearing witness

To a manifestation of Mother Earth herself…

I supplied you

Infinite rolling hills

Majestic mountain peaks

Vast Valleys deep

Cleansing sweet waterfalls

To quench thirsts and needs

Derived from our own definition of distance and eternity

That we could unequivocally strike the words “lonely” and “apart” from our vocabulary

Eternally I welcomed you

I let you enter into every part of my being

I consented and allowed you to supply me

Release of my past transgressions

And make new beginnings with you

Because I trusted you

I… Love… You

We baptized each other

With tantric and karmic energy

The gods themselves reveled in our unison

Catching every thrust

And reciprocating it with

Endless cultivating grounds so fertile and fruitful…

Bear your seed

So we can begin raising

The revolution

--

You asked me

To love you

I always have…

You asked me

To never leave you lonely

Alas

We are nothing but

Victims of circumstance

Every moment you needed me

I never hesitated to be by your side

The best way I knew how

You asked me

For me…

And I gave you all I had

(…And I would never trade it in

…I would do it all over again

In a heartbeat…)

.

.-j.jimenez

May 2016

Back from hiatus...

There is no greater motivation than love and pain...