poetry session

You left traces of your being everywhere

Seeped into every aspect of living

And every intimate state of being

How I now fold shirts just the way you like

How the cutlery is laid

What lotion I like to use

What healthy alternatives to choose for cooking.

I never found it to be anything else but amusing…

We were each other’s companions

I made a home for you

Warm and welcome

Whenever you were ready to come back…

And there was no harm in that…

It’s just that

Now that you’re never coming back

I am conflicted on what to do with

The parts of you that I created in my space

You remind me of my father…

You crept into every aspect of my life despite your absence.

I grew to hate it

Attempted to erase it

I don’t know how old I was

When the line between you wanting to leave became blurred with me wanting to forget you…

Am I still that younger version of me?

Or am I just replicating the behaviour…

Learned from my mother

Demonstrating the definition of love

Was to be “faithful and forever in waiting”

I was never successful…

I believed I had it in me…

And I gave it my best…

No regrets…

My definition of love needs redefining…

Could it be too much to ask to be considered or put first?

Is it too much to handle?

Too unfathomable?

Regardless of the odds

After all, I am my mother’s daughter

I carry my father’s last name…

But I am not their mistakes

I still carry hope

That situations can change…

You have left an imprint onto my soul

And I can never be the same…

Where do I go?

How do I begin to heal

The now empty spaces that your absence has unpleasantly revealed?

j.jimenez

May 2016