poetry session

They say to keep it simple.
Write what you know.
Or even, just write SOMETHING, sit in front of your notebook or keyboard and don't move until you do.

Well, this is a result of having an afternoon to myself, reflecting on the above advice.
Enjoy.

Patiently Waiting (3 Words)

They say that good things come to all the patient ones…

Well I have been waiting

406 days, 2 hours and 53 minutes

To finally hear 3 words

I. Love. You.

A sentence so short but holds depth so infinite

A phrase so swift but when said cannot be missed

An expression so fleeting but when heard grips you to the very fibre of your being.

I... Love… Being

With you.

And not just as a personification of togetherness.

I mean… BE-ing…

Ourselves

In each other’s midst

And although distance, both near and far, defines the space between us

In inches or millimeters, feet or kilometers…it’s all the same…

It never could divide our personalities so intertwined.

Tightly woven without us even knowing

Or realizing it was even happening.

You sense the slightest inkling of uneasiness and negativity

And intercept its manifestation with just the simplest of greetings

“Hello”

Magandang umaga, hapon at gabi…

Mahal kita

No matter the language our words, minds or bodies emit

The freedom of being myself with you is a gift

Self-love radiating from within, I naturally gravitate to you…

As Mother Nature’s omnipotent rule

We thus only attract what is a reflection of you…

And I know that I still have a lot to learn

I still have cosmos to grow into

Former outer spaces to outgrow and let go

I know... that it is not easy to love

But also... that I am nothing in its absence.

They say that good things come to all the patient ones…

Therefore I’ll still be here waiting

Ready to say those same words back to you…

I. Love. You. Too…

-jb.jimenez

poetry session

Tread with Passion

Let my eyes say all the words that my mouth cannot
And let the stride of my walk
Be a verse to Mother Nature's tune
Along Autumn laid streets
With leaves crunching at my feet
Bringing the nostalgia of your being
Back to my sensory peripheries
Like a beloved scene of a childhood memory gone past me.
I tread slowly
Yet passionately
Inhaling the cologne laced crispness that I breathe in the air 
Letting it infuse into every inch, every cell
Every molecule that is apart of me
And even though Mother Earth has communicated that the world around me
Has entered into a dormant stage,
All the more reason my passionate approach is needed to engage,
To marry the present multistaged reality into an endless 
Springtime/summer-like feeling.
I refuse to reciprocate the mundane qualities in everyday things.
But rather choose to intensate and translate
These everyday things into its everyday majesty.
Like how my icy cold hands have suddenly become warmth in his grasp...
How a heavy gray cloud laden with rain does not dare to shed a tear
Until I'm safe in his surroundings...
How each taste mandates a reaction,
A sensation that becomes food to my soul...
You know...
The kind that foodies and connoisseurs partake in
When taking in a bite, a sip,
Rolling morsels in their mouths,
Upon their tongues they let it sit,
And sup and distinguish each and every single ingredient...
Eyebrows furrow in pleasure,
Lips purse in elation...
And exclaim in exhaltation a simplistic yet majestic 
Mmmmmmm...
That means everything in the world to the one that made it...
Repeated over and over and over again until the meal is finished
In this 259,200 seconds of a weekend...
Let this be my approach...
Let me be the first to tell you
That I tread with passion
And with each moment that passes
I promise
I will not take it for granted.

j.sanjuan

poetry session

*Never give up. My words of simplictic advice to loved ones going through trying times. Stay true. This difficult moment may not BE you, but it helps you to BECOME you.*
(P.S. Happy Week 50 Open Link Night!!)

Try

My heart cries
When I see
The potential in you
Not being seen
Or fully realized.
Stop lying
And try to be
The authentic you.
Try
To be the person
I know you can
Strive to be
Defy the things
They decry you to be
And when you fall
I'll supply you
The support that you need.
I realize
This might
Not mean much
Or become reality
In this brief
Moment of futility
But trust
That when that moment comes
When you've overcome
Adversity
Living with passion and intensity
You can undeniably reply
That it didn't kill you
To try
But inexplicably
You survived
And would
Rather
Die trying
To find its meaning

-j.sanjuan

poetry session

Forever Afflicted

Today marks the day,
The moments,
Where I relive each occasion
With reminiscent tears
And nightmarish persuasion
I numb the pain
Let reason invade
My mind as to why,
How,
I had lived through this
Surreal hallucination
Now,

All that remains,
Are unanswered questions, like...

Was I strong enough...
…To care for you?
Was I worthy enough...
…To carry you?

The thought of knowing who you were
Had escaped me
Before I even knew you existed
And having belatedly seen
How this has affected me,
It's shown me a type of pain
Only bereaved mothers know of
And never fully recover from
Forever afflicted

Who
Can really point fingers and
Self inflict blame
Except you
It comes upon you naturally
On guilty parties and
Already bruised womb
The ache never ceases,
And pain never subdues.
Never knowing why
Never given the chance
To choose you.

j.sanjuan

**This poem is dedicated to all women who have experienced the pain and loss of losing a child, through miscarriage, or any other sort of circumstance beyond our control and choices.  I share this with you; I survive this with you. It's been 9 years.  Writing about this for the first time brought some kind of healing.  Poetry has always brought me solace.  With what I create, simultaneously saves me.  And from this experience, for whom I create, never failingly watches over me.  Here's to our angels...

poetry session

The Cycle

 
You knew
Exactly how to treat me
Seemingly
Magnificent
In every respect
And I
Never held back or
Never harbored
Any regret

You knew
How to read me
And accordingly
React to the way
I was feeling
How to recite words
To get me wet
Poetically speaking,
You whet
My curiosity,
You pique
Reactionary peaks
In climactic reactions of release             

You knew
How to freak
With that unmistakable physique
And that unforgettable technique
Had this poet void of speech
Brought me to my knees
In receipt of weak-
Ness

Yes,
I would’ve liked to be your queen
In fact, loved to have
Quite possibly
Earned that deserv’d  esteem
Nevertheless,
In your comfortable-
Ness
You grew restless
And conveniently
Created
Perfect elusiveness

Yet
You persisted
And insisted
That I was the one
(Less the incessant
And domestic stress)
Was there something that I missed?
Was I
So high up on your list
That it made you
Reach less?
Impervious in every sense?
What has got me this stressed?
Causing me to regress
Into a cycle of
Residuals and
Non-reciprocal requests
This cyclical dependency
Has got me sick mentally.
Has me cynical to the ones who
Deserve me
Better
The ones
Who will love me
Better......
 
Tell me then, 
Who will love me better?
 
 
 
j.sanjuan

poetry session

Suicide


Do you feel that?
What once was a part of you
Is leaving
Heavy breathing
Coming to an end
Passionate feelings
Starting to descend
Thought process reeling
Painful cognizance
Dreams of us succeeding
Toxic Poisonous
Torturous pleading
Murderous
Unconsciousness creeping
Thunderous
Slit wrists shackled
Unbound
Feeling death's grapple
Surround
Unfounded
The evidence
Never to endure
Rest assured
Deliverance
Is what I’ll supply you
Killing the part of you
That’s me
Still alive in you
Come closer
Right between the eyes
I’ll provide
Death its
Proper suitor
Bracing myself
For I’m the shooter




-j.sanjuan

poetry session

Dilemma

Blinded to reality
I only choose to see
My inconvenient truth
That is you
I remain oblivious to
Love,
In the context of
Being selfless...
Nevertheless
I don’t love you less
Yet,
I’m selfish
To want to have you too
Am I wrong then,
If you happened to love me too
‘Cause
These things just don’t ‘happen’
Looking outside for some strong interaction
And there you just ‘happened’ to be
An answer to the distraction
It’s an abstract infraction
To seem detracted from reality
But what distracts us attracts us
And ultimately subtracts us
From who we are 'told' to be
But honestly
My course of action
Constantly needs
Redefining, you see...
I’m trying to avoid
Inevitability
Because I know
Sure enough
That I’ll have to
Let go of you
Eventually


-j.sanjuan

poetry session

Breakfast (Unspoken Word)

Over breakfast…
No sound was uttered
No word was said
Just an overwhelming feeling of
Pleasurable elation and
Sensual contentment
I,
In the morning light,
Was beamin
Feelin like
You were feelin it too
Coffee brewin
And the fusion of
Breakfast tastes and lewd menus had
Somehow mimicked our bodies
Brown sugar and honey
Milk, cream and cinnamon
Were mixed in with the scents
From our skin
Senses honed in
Erogenous in nature
Erotic enough to awaken
The memories of what just took place...
Last night
Rounds one, two, three, four and five…
We broke the tension and the strife 
Hence the smile upon my face
And the rouge above my grin
Body drenched with sweat and anticipation
For rounds six, seven,
Eight...nine…
And ten to begin
Your taste was mine
And still lingers on my lips...
Over breakfast
We sit
I take a sip of my beverage
And allow my tongue to savor
In your aftertaste
Breathing in flavors ecstasy-laced;
Waiting for exhalation
Eyes making love
While still holding conversation
Withholding nothing but
Our appetites and desires to quench
Sexual dehydration
Our early morning fixation
An exchange of pure exhilaration
Resulting in the most
Delectable taste sensation
While breaking bread
Over breakfast

-j.sanjuan

poetry session

Into The Dark

No one ever said

That this ride would be easy…

We’re so drawn towards the light

Of happiness and elated feelings

Of lazy lust mornings

Of warm afternoons and

Sex craved evenings

That we’re made blind to the fact that

Into the dark

We’re quietly and

Knowingly journeying

So

Come take my hand

Even though

You might be unaware of the fact

That at times I might let go

But don’t

Dare lose focus

Lessen your faith in us

Be oblivious

Be slight

Become blind to hindsight

Because

Here within lies…

Heartache and anguish

Transforming into madness

Into the limelight shines

Regrets and unspoken sadness

Our once beautiful unification

Becomes torturous irritation

Trial and tribulation

We take

Emotional lacerations

We are

Bleeding unfaithful hearts

Resulted from

Miscarriage and mortification

We scar

We grin and bear it

Pressures of judgement and

Monogamous stipulations

Family and friends expectations

Of “how come”

And their opinions on

“Why you two never made it”

Fuck it

FUCK IT ALL

We all

Seem to want to take the easy way out

But if you knew beforehand

That this is what’s in store

That this is what’s planned for us

Would you still take my hand and

Journey into the dark?

No one ever says that this road is easy…

But everyone says...

...It’s just hard.

-j.sanjuan

poetry session

R.I.P.


Seeing that
We both made
Our choices
And there simply is
No turning back
The fact of the matter remains
I’m still pained
By your departure

And I can surely start
To slowly walk away
But
You saw me in ways
Others couldn’t possibly
Understand
Yet here I stand
Looking over our grave
Mourning over something
That we couldn’t possibly save

…Resting In Peace

And while I still feel
The emptiness and heartache
I will only take away with me
Moments where you unfailingly
Made me feel so elated and free
Appreciated for being me
And for that
I will always be
Eternally grateful

So in ending
I’m lending you my apologies
For leading us down this road
To inevitability
And the only way for me
To amend my iniquities
To redeem and do right by our memory
Is to never cease and keep

…Reminiscing In Poetry


 
-j.sanjuan
 

poetry session

Why Is It


Why is it
That when we are faced with
The sudden disconnection
Disruption and discontinuity
From someone regarded
With such loving esteem
Who is magnificent and significant
That penetrates to the very core of your being
That only then we belatedly see
The gravity of their personality
The uniqueness of their complexity
The rarity of their identity
The deepness of their company
But in hindsight
And cruel unforgiving honesty
I should have seen this coming
So I’ve tried to prepare my mind
Lessen my pride
And soothe my bruised identity
By recognizing the signs
To next time seize moments that
May have otherwise seemed fleeting
Because somehow
Our intentions were
Unintentionally miscommunicated
I should have patiently waited
Chilled out
Subsided and listened to your call
And cool calm cadence
I should have been respondent
To our realities
Instead of feeding into
Unrealistic fantasies
That somehow got to the best of our senses
I should not have questioned
What it meant to be in your presence
While you should not have tested
The worth within my essence
So fair enough, I can’t lie
We share a fair amount of grievance
I should not have
Wasted time
Analyzing and furiously desensitizing
An isolated incidence
Because in the absence of your presence
I’m now forced to ignore predominant traces
Of your prevalence
You ran so frequent though many an instance
And influenced deep sentiments
And longful pretenses
I’m now faced with relegating you as an acquaintance
And have struggled to find subsistence
To an otherwise inherent and intrinsic existence
I should have relished more
In our concrete experience
Because all I’m searching for
Is cognizance towards perseverance


See
I could have gone back to the very beginning
I could find reasons for our randomly pleasant
And one-off chance meeting
And dissect each and every word
Every sentence
Action and reaction
With a fine toothed comb
But I’m slowly learning to not enter into that mode
I should not query on what is already truly gold
But simultaneously
Concerning you
I should not speculate and claim to know
What I do not control
What I should continue to do
Is recognize and own
The part in which I had to play in this role
However
Wishfully thinking…
If ever we come across another moment
Between us both
Know that we should take it for what it truly is
And what it’s here for
We should not deny our need for companionship
And not let it take over
And impede our self-growth
We should take what we instinctually
And intimately know
About us and each other
And raise it
Appreciate it
Watch it
Sit upon that throne
So that we won’t ever forget
How dangerously close
We were to losing it
Because unfortunately
Not many people come across
Moments like those
The rare chance to grasp it
Atone for it and transpose
Ironically
I yearn for it
I aspire to capture it
If ever that moment arose
But for the time being
Naturally
I at least have the chance to express it
Through my therapeutic
And poetic prose
It’s my only answer and comfort
To the question originally posed
Why is it




-j.sanjuan






-Submission for Open Link Night, DVerse Poets Pub.  Link, Enjoy, Share!