For the past couple days now, I've been as sick as a dog. It couldn't have come at a worse time because I'm on call this week. My job has this rotating shift that about once a month, I'm given the "privilege" of working 1-9pm AND having the 24 hour emergency phones for assisting corporate clients. Needless to say, there was no way for me to call in sick, or switch shifts with anyone. The only solution was to work from home, so as not to contaminate any of my co-workers and spread around my germy germs around the office.
Yesterday morning, as I was laying in bed (sleepless might I add), I got to thinking that yes, I could see why I had come down with this cold. I've been stressed out lately with work and dealing with a few personal issues that I'm finding hard to shake. And every time I get bogged down with these kinds of stresses, it only becomes a matter of time before I catch something. So, as I was feeling sorry for myself (lol), I managed to fall in and out of a light sleep.
What happened next was quite surprising. Every once in a while, my mom comes by my house to visit my 2 boys. She does this especially during this past summer vacation, to keep them company and to take them out for a walk at the park across the street. So, it was no surprise to hear her stroll into my house. But usually, she gives me my space. We chat for a bit, maybe have some lunch and then she leaves. Well, today, instead of giving me my space, she slowly enters my room, sees me wrapped up from head to toe in my blanket with my hoodie on (because it's freezing cold in my world, whereas it's still 22C outside) and asks me, "What's wrong with my baby?"
I don't know what it is, but here I was, a sick 32-year-old woman, feeling like I was 5 years old again, instantly feeling comforted by the soothing sounds of my mother's voice. She then puts her icy cold hand on my head to feel my temperature and lastly, kisses my forehead, as if to make everything seem better.
Now, I don't care how old you are, but those kinds of gestures can make my self-pitying 32-year-old ass turn around and instantly get out of my rut! There's something about a mother's touch--whether she knows what's going on with you or not, she knows when to say and do the right things to make you feel better. And there are absolutely no words to fully express my gratitude for her being there at the right time. All I could say were the unjustly words, "thanks mom". Then she let me take a short nap before getting up just before 1pm to start pounding away on my computer at home for work.
As much as moments like the one I described can take you back to your childhood, at the same time, it speaks volumes. It's comforting. After I woke up from my nap, and eating a light lunch, I started plugging away at work for what seemed like an hour or so. I started to notice something quite profound. My mother started to just randomly do chores around my house; chores that weren't really necessary, such as trying to wash and scrape off the charred, baked on "stuff" on the small toaster-oven baking sheet, for example. To you and I, it could easily be remedied my going out and buying a new baking sheet, or for the more lazy approach, covering the sheet with aluminum foil if ever you needed to use it. (Ha ha)
But no, my mother viewed it as just something to do, perhaps. The reason I saw this as profound, was because I have vivid memories of my late grandmother doing the EXACT same thing while she came to stay with us from Winnipeg (or the Philippines depending on the time of year). My mother would be doing her own thing having a moment to herself, while I was doing the same thing then as I was doing now--noticing. Noticing my mother do the same things that my grandmother used to do kind of made me think. And again, I felt comforted by that very simple act. I really have no rhyme or reason as to what this could all mean. Or why I saw it as profound. But I would rather not analyze, to be honest. It just speaks to me, that's all. Possibly, it's a sign of the times because that could very well be me 20/30/40 years from now. It could also mean that maybe I'm also sensing my grandmother's presence as well during my down-trodden phase. Who knows.
All I know, is that once in a while, you need to look around you, appreciate those little gestures of caring that only a mother, or grandmother can give. It just amazes me how the maternal instinct works. Like I said, whatever you might be going through, and how far deep you're into it, mothers seem to know when to come around and say "it's okay". And that's all that needs to be said. No pretense. No explanations. Those two words, and even just their presence, are more than enough for me to make me feel better. To make me get out of my personal unfavorable phase. (Or at least after this Benelin wears off). :)
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