Sunday, June 27, 2010

oldie but goodie...

Sunday afternoon, gearing up to go to dance practice.
Sometimes I think I'm too old to be dancing again. But this is all for my girl, Rina, who is getting married next month.  And for old times sake, she wanted to get together again, (the old Lucid Image crew!!), and do it one last time.
Way back when, during college days, all of us got together, to do dancing gigs here and there. Performing at Flip Day, weddings, parties, fundraisers etc. This wedding in August coming up, will be the first time in a long time that the crew will be all together in one place again.  It's gonna be so much fun! Cuz of course, life, for many of us, has taken over - family, work, travelling, school.
So the moral of this one is - it's always good to go back to your roots!  Love you guys!
So to get in the dancing frame of mind, here are top 3 songs we jammed to.  Enjoy!

1. It's Like That - RUN-DMC ft. Jason Nevis
(This infamous back-up song we had to use to one performance when our original song WOULD NOT PLAY! Talk about dancing on the fly!)

2. Heads High - Mr. Vegas
Always!!! My go-to reggae song...that's right!!!

3. I'll Be - Jay Z ft. Foxy Brown
The perfect song that we always wanted to dance to for pairing. But never got a chance to.

Happy dancing!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

in rememberance

Today marks the 3rd year anniversary of my dad's passing. Even though my dad was in and out for most of my life, going back and forth to the Philippines, sometimes for extended periods of time with no contact - I still have very vivid childhood memories of him.  The last time I physically saw my dad was in the fall of 1997.  The last time I spoke to him was in the winter of 1999, before I gave birth to my first son. 

No doubt, we had our struggles growing up, it was just my mom raising my older sister, myself and my younger brother.  And even though I never really got to know my dad, and understand him in my adult frame of mind, what's most important to me is that, I do understand that many of us have made mistakes and of course, he had his share. I think that he knew his mistakes, but never got a chance to atone for them. 
But despite the absence, I also think that somehow, he knows at this very moment that I've forgiven him - and that there is peace in knowing that you've realized the mistakes you've made in life and ultimately having the faith that whoever you've wronged has forgiven you.
So this is dedicated to my dad - I've made my mistakes too.  Each person has their struggles - and I'm thankful that you don't have to go through them anymore.

Also, in rememberance, since this past Sunday was Father's Day, I'd like to share some of the things I remember about my dad growing up.

-He loved to sing karaoke.
-He drove a 1979 White Pontiac Grand Prix. Until 1990 he obtained his new pride and joy, a Jeep Grand Cherokee.
-Whenever he would come back from the Philippines, he would always bring home candy and smell like home.
-He was a handyman.  He finished our entire basement in Winnipeg.
-He loved Chinese food and Crown Royal.
-He had a gold shiny watch that he would wear whenever we would go out for special occasions.
-And on these special occasions, he would douse himself with Brut cologne, slick his hair back and look very well put together.
-He used to clip mine and my siblings' fingernails and do it soooo short that it would hurt! And everytime he would call us, we would laugh, yell and run away from him.
-Whenever he would come home from work, my brother and I would hide and pretend we were ghosts to surprise him.  We'd creep up and do the "oooooooooooo" sound and he would yell as if he was genuinely scared.
-As we grew older, we would play endless Tetris on our big gigantic Zenith TV on castors and make fun of him when he wasn't quick enough to lay down the pieces as the rhthym and the music grew faster and faster.  He would eventually lose due to his "slower" reflexes.
-He liked to watch senseless dating shows with my sister and I, especially "Change of Heart".

So there you have a glimpse of what he was like. I hope my memories conjure up some of your own about your dad too! Thanks Dad for the memories!

Monday, June 21, 2010

i heart vintage hair...

It seems like more and more, what was once old becomes new again.  I love vintage hairstyles, more specifically in the 50s era.  I've come across this noteworthy blog to check out - all about vintage hair - bobby pin blog. Loving it!!!!

There is a certain air of sophistication and glamour associated with this era that I absolutely LOVE.  Stars from the past have immortalized this look from Rita Hayworth, Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor to name a few.

Even in present day, many celebrities are emulating the glamour and sophistication of days past but adding their own little twist:

Emily Blunt, Christina Aguilera, Scarlett Johansson

And two of my favorite people:
Dita Von Teese

and Gwen Stefani.

So here is to vintage! I promise myself that one day I will style my hair like this someday!  Happy Monday!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

a.m. reading...

Upon the onset of this wierd migrain-like headache since Sunday morning, I have been at home up until now...resting and sleeping and thinking. And it just dawned on me that I had this one particular book that I started reading long time ago and I can't remember where I had put it.  It's this very interesting series of books by Penguin Books Ltd called Great Ideas.

There are four series (only a few pictured above), a compilation of famed authors, philosophers, polititians, playwrights and essayists that have written books that have changed the way we look at the world. These books were written from noteable people throughout the ages such as Marcus Aurelius - Meditations; Karl Marx & Friedrich Engels - The Communist Manifesto; Sun-tzu - The Art of War and Sigmund Freud - The Future of an Illusion to name a few. In the 4th and latest series, there are features from Various - Writings from the Zen Masters; William Shakespeare - On Power and Abraham Lincoln - The Gettysburg Address.

It's an amazing collection that I am slowly trying to build upon.  More importantly for me, I feel that their writings hold so much relevance in today's world as it did when there were still alive in their respective time.

So I hope that you stroll on down to your closest book store and pick up one of these short but sweet little reads.  I highly recommend it.  For now, I will leave you with an excerpt from Series 1 - On the Shortness of Life by Seneca. Happy reading!

"It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievments if it were all well invested. But when it is wasted in heedless luxury and spent on no good activity, we are forced at last by death's final constraint to realize that it has passed away before we knew it was passing. So it is: we are not given a short life but we make it short, and we are not ill-supplied but wasteful of it."


Wednesday, June 09, 2010

poetry session

This poem I wrote a long time ago and I've just decided to post now (thanks to someone who reminded me to do so long time ago).  Here it is for those of you who haven't read this.  For those of you who already have, thank you for enjoying it just one more time!  My inspiration for this piece - Behind every good man is a good woman.

Put Aside

You and I
Both struggle
In this complicated, criminal
Orchestrated, subliminal
Situation and
World condition
But I ask you to put them aside

Let’s put aside
Our personal revolutions
And revitalize
The memory
On what it’s like to feel alive
What it’s like to strive towards
Escapism from our reality
And instead revel in each others personality

Because now I’m seeing you
Happen to pass me by
In your safe space
And it’s commonplace
For me to be leery
But instead I’m face to face
With your state of mentality
I no longer relate
To the feeling of being weary
You instigate
Stimulate certain ways of behaving
You conjure up
Emotions of yearning and aching
Your vibe and swagger
Permeate my skin
I’m no longer in my normal state of being.

So put aside your struggle
Entice and incite your mental
Thoughts of trying to visualize and
Internalize ways to further capsize
My personal
Undertake to slow down my quickness
Sample and taste my sweetness
Aim to penetrate my thickness
Separate and create miles between my pelvis
Take refuge
Put aside your day-to-day
Rest easy
Because once this moment leaves me

Take up your struggle once more
Take on your soldier revolutionary cause
In which you were born
But know that
I’ll be there to sustain you
Hold you down and maintain you
To help put aside what ails you

In your constant struggle.

j. san juan

Friday, June 04, 2010

poetry session


I could sit here and constantly
Think about how things could be
Desire and crave for moments
That weren’t meant for our destiny
I could incessantly wish for you to be here with me
And intermittently lust for you intimately
But really, I’m just venting out emotionally
‘Cause regrettably you left me so restless see
That I’m questioning my own identity

But that’s gon change momentarily
‘Cause I’m not the type to drown in vulnerability
‘Cause my mother’s strength is passed down to me
All women’s struggles inspire me
To stop wallowing in my own self pity

Sure I can give myself permission
To mourn our loss of connection
The sudden missing manifestation
Of two minds, two hearts, two souls in relations
Our conceptualization and realization
Undergoing the sudden decimation of another lifetime
Could it have been that my imagination
Conjured up hallucinations of former “star crossed lovers” having suicidal contemplations
No, this isn’t my account for a tragic narration
Instead it’s motivation to express my hurt in poetic translation
‘Cause I find that my memory does serve me right
How else could I have stumbled upon these lyrics to write
And somehow find solace for my ill-treated self-identification

But that’s gon change momentarily
‘Cause I’m not the type to drown in vulnerability
‘Cause my mother’s strength is passed down to me
All women’s struggles inspire me
To stop wallowing in my own self pity

I will come back eventually
And regain focus resiliently
Instead of ME
Wishing I was there with YOU -
You’d be missing ME
Wishing you’d have ME
My mind.
My heart.
My body.
My spirit.
My soul.
To have experienced and challenged my mentality bold
To have your senses awakened and to alertly hone
In on what you could have been missin’
To look into my eyes and see the intensity it holds
To feel my heart pounding and the emotion it pours
To caress my skin, smooth, warm, beautiful with golden brown tones
To recognize and acknowledge the profound Philippine ancestry it bestows
To hold you in my arms and absorb the poetry in my bones
To hear my voice and the melody it owns
To taste my lips that recite verses to which I was born
To incite and instill vivid thoughts strong enough to break creative molds
To unify in my spiritual space with the One God I extol

To only find out that destiny manufactures its very own goals
To never see the fruition of these fantasies unfold
Strangely though
I still see ME
Rising above my melancholy
While simultaneously
Searching for traces of sentimentality
The scarcity of your presence
Affects me deeply to the core
Like a part of me is missing
And is yearning to be whole
But one thing’s for certain
And two thing’s for sure
That no matter how many times I battle back and forth
With the idea of you caring for me, you wanting me, and you needing me
The idea of you feeling the contrary for me
As much as I want to contradict that scheme of things
As much as I want to rebuild defensive walls of negativity
I know better than to go down that road

I know that this will change momentarily
‘Cause I’m not the type to drown in vulnerability
As one great woman said, “I’m a woman phenomenally,
Phenomenal Woman, that’s me”
‘Cause my mother’s strength is passed down to me
All women’s struggles inspire me
To stop wallowing in my own self pity

j. san juan