December, for me, always marks crossing a threshold. Partly because of the obvious reason of the year coming to an end and eagerly anticipating the new year; its new challenges & its experiences.
There are constant moments of "letting go" and "embracing" what is yet to come.
This month has been extra challenging for me. First of all because of my "lull" in writing. I have so many feelings I would like to express, stemming from a lot of personal issues, but can't find the right words to do it just yet.
Although, it did help with my recent work conference in Hawaii earlier this month. Being in the midst of such beauty and serenity did help propel some thoughts to paper. And I will always carry that with me.
The biggest challenge of all, was being a labour coach for my girlfriend, who's baby was due towards the end of December.
And in fact, this morning, at 5:53am, we welcomed Finn to the world.
I really didn't know what to expect in stepping into this support role. I only hoped that what I know from experience, with giving birth to 2 boys myself, that it would be enough to provide focus and calm to such a tumultuous yet far-from-dull pregnancy. Seeing Finn for the first time brought back feelings of such elation and joy. And all I could do is embrace it, soak it in and be grateful that I was a part of such a wonderful moment!
All I can say, is that I couldn't find a better way to round off a stressful, emotionally filled, rollercoaster-of-a-ride year for me....
...and I wouldn't trade any of these moments for the world.
I heard once that The right person At the wrong time Is still the wrong person. Missing you worsens. But missing you doesn't warrant Deserving to be with you. Neither does it mean That you miss me too.
This unpredictable period of time in my "writer's cycle".
No telling how long this will last.
In all honesty, it's not a writer's block, per se.
On the contrary, I find that I've been coming up with verses with each passing day.
But it's all just in bits and pieces right now.
And also, I just have been keeping my distance from certain things.
I find that usually in these periods of lull, I don't have the energy to actually sit and focus on writing a full length poem.
I usually like to dedicate myself entirely.
And I find that lately, I don't have the time nowadays either.
Inspiration doesn't come as easily as it used to.
But it's something that I'm working on.
So in the meantime, so as to NOT be so detached, I've already added a 'micropoetry session' feature. This comes in handy for those short verses that I just can't help but share.
In addition, I've also created another page that's dedicated soley to my poetry.
Please check out my poetry blog, befittingly called: j_poetry (the same as my twitter).
I've made it very similar to this here personal blog of mine, yet very streamlined and simple so as to focus more on my words, rather than some of the other content I choose to share on this beloved page. :)
Patience is key in my trying time.
I'm open to finding new things to write about every day.
To my fellow poets/writers, thank you. You are a constant source of inspiration for me.
As much as this lull can be so easily seen counter-productive, I embrace it as part of my journey.
Sometimes, once in a while in your life, you need to step back and appreciate things as they are. Good and bad. Choosing to let go; Choosing to remember. Whatever it is, just be thankful that it happened nonetheless. Because being in the midst of beauty such as this, there is no need to dispute the whys. It just IS. Blessings to you all.
He is… Just the right Kind of man to Pique my curiosity and Make steady my interest He exudes this quiet confidence That lends itself perfectly to my Laid back, breezy intelligence Influences an abundance of instances To showcase and present Mental Physical Sexual indulgence Over and over and over again….. He possesses Just the right blend Of mentality By trying to be A better man Manifesting and maintaining A confident, rough yet Mature swag While Simultaneously transcending Over former Failings and shortcomings Physically His man-ness and virility commands Me to let go of all my insecurities Because his sensibility allows me To safely trust him entirely and completely Sexually He takes me on a journey Motivates my senses Satiates my quench And appetency With great consideration In the utmost unchaste nature and disposition Instigating conversations in Erotically infused obscenities Translating me to involuntarily Saturate my wet sweetly Yet he intently Studies my geography Intimately grazes over The rolling hills of my hips The dip in my waist The hollow in my spine And the rigid rise of my mountain tips Hands making his trip Back to my steady thighs and moistened ripened lips Vying to penetrate Complying to take Each thrust that is made Savoring the extensiveness That his thickness maintains Engaging and repaying back Each pleasurable twitch with rain Over and over and over again….. And once climax and orgasm Are finally met The rapture subsides I center myself to catch a breath
I recognize That he is…
Just the right Kind of man That I Can visualize To have in my life He continuously Challenges my mind And therefore sheds light For authenticity to be realized He is… So much more Than what I thought I knew In all honesty He is truth And with all that I know is in me With all that God has given me and created me to be It is more than enough proof And certainty To believe That I have the capacity To be his equal It almost seems quite spiritual To be in his space His love is made king With each kiss and every embrace Anything and everything Is made perfect in its place Because He is… Just the right Kind of man
I can immerse myself In the anger The grief and the melancholy That has suddenly Come over me And for a quick moment I can concede to feel The burn The ache The injury I can keep Wondering Prolonging Feeding My insecure anxieties Carry on My heartache and sadness Accept defeat and Smile through the madness Embrace the fear Cause the moment I thought Would never come Is finally here I welcome its arrival Adapt to the atmosphere Hospitality never felt so Cold and insincere
I haven't been able to stop talking or thinking about this since I saw this last night. This right here -- makes me fall in love with hip hop all over again. All I can say is WOW. See for yourselves and get familiar.
Seeing that We both made Our choices And there simply is No turning back The fact of the matter remains I’m still pained By your departure
And I can surely start To slowly walk away But You saw me in ways Others couldn’t possibly Understand Yet here I stand Looking over our grave Mourning over something That we couldn’t possibly save
…Resting In Peace
And while I still feel The emptiness and heartache I will only take away with me Moments where you unfailingly Made me feel so elated and free Appreciated for being me And for that I will always be Eternally grateful
So in ending I’m lending you my apologies For leading us down this road To inevitability And the only way for me To amend my iniquities To redeem and do right by our memory Is to never cease and keep
Today is my birthday... It's also my 100th post! So I saw it fitting that, in true fashion, I should share my latest. Enjoy! Much love and thank you for all the birthday greetings! Blessings.
I Am. I Have.
A woman to take heed A voice to be heard Like a writer’s creativity Ever present, undeterred …A presence to acknowledge A glimpse to the eye Steal it quick, bide your time Before I pass you by
I am… Lips to kiss Skin to touch Arms to hold Someone to love …A meeting to your mind An idea to behold The clarity to your vision The quiet to your soul
I am… A force to be felt A softness to be caressed A stronghold to your testament An exhale to your breath …A stimulant for your intellect An exhibition for your thoughts A curiosity to explore An experience to be taught
I am… Want for your desire A quickness to be tamed A fantasy to be realized A reason to instigate …Sweetness to your tongue Succulence to your taste The motion to your freak An opening to penetrate
I am… The answer to your call The wealth in what you seek The rhythm to your cadence The companion you bespeak
I am… Quite simply A sundry of things But I also uphold and maintain The outcomes in which I create
I have… Words to recite Knowledge to share Poems to write And beliefs to declare …Ideas to instill Actions I still might dare Fears to overcome And dreams to ensnare
I have… Hope to possess enough Inspiration to pass on To ignite individual creativity To nurture, to call upon I have… Speech to convey To articulate, to put across Poetic justice for those Who have chosen to do me wrong
I have… Lessons to still learn Bad habits to outgrow Truth to constantly seek And selfishness to forego I have… Fears that set me back Apprehension I sometimes can’t shake Too much to lose And everything at stake
But I have… Faith to keep me going And love to keep me fixed Support to keep me stable And passion to want to exist I have… Love to give Room to grow Faith to action And sins to atone
I have… Sons to raise Family to care for Friends to hug And strangers to pray for I have… Loved ones and lost ones Ones I will constantly miss Passed-on-at-peace ones Whose presence I’ll never forget
I have… Patience to keep me still Silence to keep me sane Humility to keep my peace And dignity to maintain my grace I have… Past experiences to draw upon Future times to look forward to Constant struggle to rise above And a wiser woman to grow into
I am soooooo looking forward to picking up a copy of this book right here, by one of my favorite artists and inspirations of all time, Common. Just haven't gotten around to make my way to the bookstore unfortunately (with this crazy week of work and back to school for my kids). But my birthday is coming up real quick! So I'm really excited to do some birthday reading!
Here is a video of Common on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart promoting his book, "One Day It'll All Make Sense". :)...(you might want to fast forward to 14:14 when the interview actually begins. I couldn't find a better video without getting re-routed someplace else to watch it...unless of course you find Jon Stewart amusing like I do, feel free to watch the whole thing!)
Sidenote: For those who are interested in what they may be referring to at the beginning of the interview, regarding Common's poetry reading at the White House earlier this year, I've posted links to that particular 'conversation' below as well. This 'conversation' is between Jon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly, sharing their obviously diverse opinions. But more importantly and interestingly enough, I think it may provide a more insightful look on how things can get blown out of proportion. (Insert a certain TV network here). LOL.
I came across this post that really inspired me, and I wanted to share this with you on my blog. Plus, I've decided, that from this post alone, I need to create a new photo journal feature, to share any images that I find moving or inspiring. (I thought, hey, if I can share my music through "listening pleasure", I might as well do the same for photos!)
Here it is, I hope you enjoy it. Please visit the source from where I found this lovely piece of inspiration. Happy Hump Day!
I am trying to redefine my filter I should try to endeavor to unmask my emotions For times when I would rather Say what I feel And do what I find positively necessary To capture a moment and save it Relish it, taste it Take pleasure in Delight in These short-lived distinctive rarities
For example It’s the times when instead of casually approaching you I would normally evoke a sense of coolness and integrity You greeting me in the same manner ever so nonchalantly Like “Hey, what’s up…how you been…what you been up to lately”… I would then instantly Pick up my stride at just The sight of you patiently waiting For my arrival Enable me To grasp your hand Clasp onto and lace your fingers Embrace and keep a steadfast hold of your stature And linger…………………………………………… Delay my release P.D.A. garners no apologies While I passionately kiss you and make you wish You’d never missed me
But the keyword here is “trying” In the course of my redefining I’m finding it’s harder for the aligning Of my words and actions to become one and the same Because I guess my pride still gets in the way And I know one day there will be a time When all this talk becomes streamlined with my mind And actions start to materialize While my filter starts to desensitize
For example It’s the times when instead of casually saying good-bye to you I would normally seem like I’d be ok And I could handle myself when you’re away Like “Take care of yourself……you too……I’ll see you again someday” I would then instantly Honestly and genuinely Look into your eyes and say And admit that yes… I…WILL…miss…you I truly and already do And I’d smile...gently and flirtatiously Look into your eyes And unmask the softness in your disguise As you reciprocate to reply I. Will. Miss. You. Too. We would grasp our hands Clasp onto and lace our fingers And we would embrace And allow it to linger……………………………………… Delay our release Because my non-filter Garners no apologies To never regret and miss these opportunities Versus an alternate reality Where my filter would alternately just hesitate and let it be
But wait……………… Maybe I’m just subconsciously speaking Maybe realizing And perhaps rationalizing that I personally Would rather us just positively Mean what we say, And say what we mean Wouldn’t it be easier that way? From the very beginning Without hesitating And thinking about whether or not we’re filtering Our emotions Because wouldn’t it all just be preconceived notions Trying to fight its way to the surface I mean If we are who we say we are And be who we say we’ll be In favorable times and also in times of need There should be no need for a series of contrived happenings It should all just come naturally Simply From the heart And it should translate in our actions so effortlessly I don’t know, maybe I should start To question why I NEED to have filters Or why I need to redefine them so relevantly I just want to do whatever is necessary To become unforgettable, see Possibly It’s because I feel you slipping away from me And this is my mind trying to re-enact moments Where I could have done or said things a little differently
Well, I just hope that whatever the case maybe Filter or no filter That we continue to strive to do from our heart Speak with our mind Connect with our soul From start to demise Whenever we begin to toe the line Let it not be a question on whether or not we used our filters Whether we did enough to paint that perfect picture But rather It’s how we let these moments define us And the way we endure To write our scripture