Friday, December 30, 2011

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

micropoetry


When your negativity divides
I rise
Strive towards eminence
And let eminent worriment
Pass me by.





Sunday, December 25, 2011

micropoetry session


I heard once that
The right person
At the wrong time
Is still the wrong person.
Missing you worsens.
But missing you doesn't warrant
Deserving to be with you.
Neither does it mean
That you miss me too.



micropoetry session


Create in me
Room
For me to be
Consumed
By your need
To be
Used



micropoetry - sixwords


Prove me wrong. Show me different.




Saturday, December 24, 2011

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

micropoetry session


I traced lines with my fingertips
Ones that I've memorized
The shape of your body with.
Wantonly
Yearning and aching
For
Concreteness.





micropoetry session


Brave with faith
To revolutionalize minds with me.
Scribe the sublime with me.
Incite enticement with me.





micropoetry session


Stimulate a conversation
Between
Your unadulterated schemes
And my need
For
Infatuated
Consummation.




micropoetry - sixwords



You'll forever stay on my mind.




micropoetry - sixwords



Wrap me with your word rapture.




Monday, December 19, 2011

micropoetry session


Question the intention
Of selfish love and evil aggression.
But nevertheless
Never lessen
To love those who
Love selfless
Who continue to
Reside beside you
Through life's tests and
Limitless lessons.





micropoetry session


Invest in me
Whatever you see fit.
And I'll see to it
That you've spent your moments wisely
With all that is intuitively
Vested in me.






micropoetry session - 2lines


Lessen your stresses.
Coalesce your presence with me.






Wednesday, October 19, 2011

poetry session

Just Right


He is…
Just the right
Kind of man to
Pique my curiosity and
Make steady my interest
He exudes this quiet confidence
That lends itself perfectly to my
Laid back, breezy intelligence
Influences an abundance of instances
To showcase and present
Mental
Physical
Sexual indulgence
Over and over and over again…..
He possesses
Just the right blend
Of mentality
By trying to be
A better man
Manifesting and maintaining
A confident, rough yet
Mature swag
While
Simultaneously transcending
Over former
Failings and shortcomings
Physically
His man-ness and virility commands
Me to let go of all my insecurities
Because his sensibility allows me
To safely trust him entirely and completely
Sexually
He takes me on a journey
Motivates my senses
Satiates my quench
And appetency
With great consideration
In the utmost unchaste nature and disposition
Instigating conversations in
Erotically infused obscenities
Translating me to involuntarily
Saturate my wet sweetly
Yet he intently
Studies my geography
Intimately grazes over
The rolling hills of my hips
The dip in my waist
The hollow in my spine
And the rigid rise of my mountain tips
Hands making his trip
Back to my steady thighs and moistened ripened lips
Vying to penetrate
Complying to take
Each thrust that is made
Savoring the extensiveness
That his thickness maintains
Engaging and repaying back
Each pleasurable twitch with rain
Over and over and over again…..
And once climax and orgasm
Are finally met
The rapture subsides
I center myself to catch a breath

I recognize
That he is…

Just the right
Kind of man
That I
Can visualize
To have in my life
He continuously
Challenges my mind
And therefore sheds light
For authenticity to be realized
He is…
So much more
Than what I thought I knew
In all honesty
He is truth
And with all that I know is in me
With all that God has given me and created me to be
It is more than enough proof
And certainty
To believe
That I have the capacity
To be his equal
It almost seems quite spiritual
To be in his space
His love is made king
With each kiss and every embrace
Anything and everything
Is made perfect in its place
Because
He is…
Just the right
Kind of man



…That no other man
Could ever replace


-j.sanjuan

Saturday, October 15, 2011

micropoetry session

I am
One who will give you a chance
To provide a demonstration
And display one's true characterization
Because quite frankly
I am
Drawn to that kind of association




-j.sanjuan

poetry session

Moment Of Weakness (Work In Progress)


I can immerse myself
In the anger
The grief and the melancholy
That has suddenly
Come over me
And for a quick moment
I can concede to feel
The burn
The ache
The injury
I can keep
Wondering
Prolonging
Feeding
My insecure anxieties
Carry on
My heartache and sadness
Accept defeat and
Smile through the madness
Embrace the fear
Cause the moment I thought
Would never come
Is finally here
I welcome its arrival
Adapt to the atmosphere
Hospitality never felt so
Cold and insincere


-j.sanjuan

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

listening pleasure

I haven't been able to stop talking or thinking about this since I saw this last night.
This right here -- makes me fall in love with hip hop all over again.
All I can say is WOW.
See for yourselves and get familiar.

Monday, October 10, 2011

poetry session


R.I.P.


Seeing that
We both made
Our choices
And there simply is
No turning back
The fact of the matter remains
I’m still pained
By your departure

And I can surely start
To slowly walk away
But
You saw me in ways
Others couldn’t possibly
Understand
Yet here I stand
Looking over our grave
Mourning over something
That we couldn’t possibly save

Resting In Peace

And while I still feel
The emptiness and heartache
I will only take away with me
Moments where you unfailingly
Made me feel so elated and free
Appreciated for being me
And for that
I will always be
Eternally grateful

So in ending
I’m lending you my apologies
For leading us down this road
To inevitability
And the only way for me
To amend my iniquities
To redeem and do right by our memory
Is to never cease and keep

Reminiscing In Poetry


 
-j.sanjuan
 

Friday, September 30, 2011

poetry session

Allure


The allure of it all
Can render you
Suddenly defenseless
Knock you down swiftly
Before you even realize
You’re trying desperately
Grabbing anything to break your fall
‘Cause you’re left shocked and
Utterly senseless

When the allure wears off
You’re suddenly aware that
All this time
You thought you were flying so high
Seeing the world in all its’ hues and bright lights
That all the while
It’s always been black and white
And you were really only a hair length’s shy
Away from the concrete solid ground

When the allure dies down
You’re left with picking up the pieces
A thousand million fragments
Of yourself
Wondering if and hoping that he’s hurting
Equally and better yet at the same magnitude
As yourself

The allure of it all
Can make you feel like
You’d accept any and every reason
To try and keep your hopes alive
When all this time
He’s already balled up his fist
All set to end it
Ready to hit
And you’re bracing for the sting
‘Cause what ultimately strikes you blind
Is the very thing
That both of you were trying to escape
In the first place
Is the bittersweet reality without you called life



-j.sanjuan

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Thursday, September 22, 2011

listening pleasure

 It's the first heavy, rainy day in Vancouver to mark that Fall is here!


I'm working from home today, and lucky that I don't have to commute in the downpour.


This is what I listen to when I'm at work--at home.  Enjoy!


Happy Thursday!


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Monday, September 12, 2011

poetry session


You Could Be




You could be so many things to me


You could be my new beginning
My light, my answer
The end to my selfish living


You could be my motivation
My inspiration
My chance to set things in motion


You could be my equal
My counterpart, my vision
The purpose for my creation


You could have me smilin’
Laughin’, cryin’, cursin’
Believin’ in the end that it’s all worth it


You could have me singing to myself
And floating off the ground
And not worry about how I sound, whatever


You could have me writing books, flying off the shelf
Because you inspire me enough
To just wanna write something down, however


You could more appropriately be
The muse to my poetry
The personification to my thoughts


You could be my verse
The last phrase, the last word
My title, my priority, significantly on top


You could be my calm
The pulse breaking my monotony
Or the peace to my distraught


You could be my prayer
The one to help face my fear
Because you are everything that I am not


You could be my all
You could be my everything
You could be part of something revolutionary


You could be my love
You could be the one
But painstakingly enough


You could be all the things in a man
That I could ever want
You could be so many things to me…..
But you’re not.




-j.sanjuan

Sunday, September 11, 2011

listening pleasure

It's a Frank Ocean type of Sunday.....not one....



...but two songs for your enjoyment!!

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

listening pleasure

Such an amazing message. I hope you enjoy and take this poem to heart like I do. :)


Monday, September 05, 2011

poetry session



(Untitled)




I am trying to redefine my filter
I should try to endeavor to unmask my emotions
For times when I would rather
Say what I feel
And do what I find positively necessary
To capture a moment and save it
Relish it, taste it
Take pleasure in
Delight in
These short-lived distinctive rarities


For example
It’s the times when instead of casually approaching you
I would normally evoke a sense of coolness and integrity
You greeting me in the same manner ever so nonchalantly
Like “Hey, what’s up…how you been…what you been up to lately”…
I would then instantly
Pick up my stride at just
The sight of you patiently waiting
For my arrival
Enable me
To grasp your hand
Clasp onto and lace your fingers
Embrace and keep a steadfast hold of your stature
And linger……………………………………………
Delay my release
P.D.A. garners no apologies
While I passionately kiss you and make you wish
You’d never missed me


But the keyword here is “trying”
In the course of my redefining
I’m finding it’s harder for the aligning
Of my words and actions to become one and the same
Because I guess my pride still gets in the way
And I know one day there will be a time
When all this talk becomes streamlined with my mind
And actions start to materialize
While my filter starts to desensitize


For example
It’s the times when instead of casually saying good-bye to you
I would normally seem like I’d be ok
And I could handle myself when you’re away
Like “Take care of yourself……you too……I’ll see you again someday”
I would then instantly
Honestly and genuinely
Look into your eyes and say
And admit that yes…
I…WILL…miss…you
I truly and already do
And I’d smile...gently and flirtatiously
Look into your eyes
And unmask the softness in your disguise
As you reciprocate to reply
I. Will. Miss. You. Too.
We would grasp our hands
Clasp onto and lace our fingers
And we would embrace
And allow it to linger………………………………………
Delay our release
Because my non-filter
Garners no apologies
To never regret and miss these opportunities
Versus an alternate reality
Where my filter would alternately just hesitate and let it be


But wait………………
Maybe I’m just subconsciously speaking
Maybe realizing
And perhaps rationalizing that
I personally
Would rather us just positively
Mean what we say,
And say what we mean
Wouldn’t it be easier that way?
From the very beginning
Without hesitating
And thinking about whether or not we’re filtering
Our emotions
Because wouldn’t it all just be preconceived notions
Trying to fight its way to the surface
I mean
If we are who we say we are
And be who we say we’ll be
In favorable times and also in times of need
There should be no need for a series of contrived happenings
It should all just come naturally
Simply
From the heart
And it should translate in our actions so effortlessly
I don’t know, maybe
I should start
To question why I NEED to have filters
Or why I need to redefine them so relevantly
I just want to do whatever is necessary
To become unforgettable, see
Possibly
It’s because I feel you slipping away from me
And this is my mind trying to re-enact moments
Where I could have done or said things a little differently


Well, I just hope that whatever the case maybe
Filter or no filter
That we continue to strive to do from our heart
Speak with our mind
Connect with our soul
From start to demise
Whenever we begin to toe the line
Let it not be a question on whether or not we used our filters
Whether we did enough to paint that perfect picture
But rather
It’s how we let these moments define us
And the way we endure
To write our scripture




-j.sanjuan

Thursday, September 01, 2011

conversations - comfort in nostalgia

For the past couple days now, I've been as sick as a dog.  It couldn't have come at a worse time because I'm on call this week.  My job has this rotating shift that about once a month, I'm given the "privilege" of working 1-9pm AND having the 24 hour emergency phones for assisting corporate clients.  Needless to say, there was no way for me to call in sick, or switch shifts with anyone.  The only solution was to work from home, so as not to contaminate any of my co-workers and spread around my germy germs around the office.


Yesterday morning, as I was laying in bed (sleepless might I add), I got to thinking that yes, I could see why I had come down with this cold.  I've been stressed out lately with work and dealing with a few personal issues that I'm finding hard to shake.  And every time I get bogged down with these kinds of stresses, it only becomes a matter of time before I catch something.  So, as I was feeling sorry for myself (lol), I managed to fall in and out of a light sleep.


What happened next was quite surprising.  Every once in a while, my mom comes by my house to visit my 2 boys.  She does this especially during this past summer vacation, to keep them company and to take them out for a walk at the park across the street.  So, it was no surprise to hear her stroll into my house.  But usually, she gives me my space.  We chat for a bit, maybe have some lunch and then she leaves.  Well, today, instead of giving me my space, she slowly enters my room, sees me wrapped up from head to toe in my blanket with my hoodie on (because it's freezing cold in my world, whereas it's still 22C outside)  and asks me, "What's wrong with my baby?"


I don't know what it is, but here I was, a sick 32-year-old woman, feeling like I was 5 years old again, instantly feeling comforted by the soothing sounds of my mother's voice.  She then puts her icy cold hand on my head to feel my temperature and lastly, kisses my forehead, as if to make everything seem better.


Now, I don't care how old you are, but those kinds of gestures can make my self-pitying 32-year-old ass turn around and instantly get out of my rut!  There's something about a mother's touch--whether she knows what's going on with you or not, she knows when to say and do the right things to make you feel better.  And there are absolutely no words to fully express my gratitude for her being there at the right time.  All I could say were the unjustly words, "thanks mom".  Then she let me take a short nap before getting up just before 1pm to start pounding away on my computer at home for work.


As much as moments like the one I described can take you back to your childhood, at the same time, it speaks volumes.  It's comforting.  After I woke up from my nap, and eating a light lunch, I started plugging away at work for what seemed like an hour or so.  I started to notice something quite profound.  My mother started to just randomly do chores around my house;  chores that weren't really necessary, such as trying to wash and scrape off the charred, baked on "stuff" on the small toaster-oven baking sheet, for example.  To you and I, it could easily be remedied my going out and buying a new baking sheet, or for the more lazy approach, covering the sheet with aluminum foil if ever you needed to use it. (Ha ha)


But no, my mother viewed it as just something to do, perhaps. The reason I saw this as profound, was because I have vivid memories of my late grandmother doing the EXACT same thing while she came to stay with us from Winnipeg (or the Philippines depending on the time of year).  My mother would be doing her own thing having a moment to herself, while I was doing the same thing then as I was doing now--noticing.  Noticing my mother do the same things that my grandmother used to do kind of made me think.  And again, I felt comforted by that very simple act.  I really have no rhyme or reason as to what this could all mean.  Or why I saw it as profound.  But I would rather not analyze, to be honest.  It just speaks to me, that's all.  Possibly, it's a sign of the times because that could very well be me 20/30/40 years from now.  It could also mean that maybe I'm also sensing my grandmother's presence as well during my down-trodden phase.  Who knows. 


All I know, is that once in a while, you need to look around you, appreciate those little gestures of caring that only a mother, or grandmother can give.  It just amazes me how the maternal instinct works.  Like I said, whatever you might be going through, and how far deep you're into it, mothers seem to know when to come around and say "it's okay".  And that's all that needs to be said.  No pretense. No explanations.  Those two words, and even just their presence, are more than enough for me to make me feel better.  To make me get out of my personal unfavorable phase.  (Or at least after this Benelin wears off).  :)

Monday, August 29, 2011

it all starts with an idea...

Last week, I was asked by my best friend to be a bridesmaid for her wedding next August.  Naturally, I was excited and honored...so, of course, I said yes!


Then...
She asked me if I could do her wedding invitations.  (Well, more like, she "told" me.  Ha ha.)
Now, mind you, card crafting is more of a hobby to me.  I've never really tried to venture out into selling my cards.  Aside from the one-off occasion during Christmas where people actually wanted to buy my cards...and I couldn't say no to making an extra dolla on the side. :)  But other than that, it's merely a casual hobby.


But nevertheless, I would do anything for my girl, so, I am definitely up for the challenge!  She sent me some websites and links to the types of styles she was interested in.  And instantly, I got inspired.  These are just some derived sketches based on the images she sent me.




And the following night, I made these mock invites.  Obviously, not the finished product, since there's still talk of different themes/colours and such, but you'll get the idea. 


Very simple, and streamlined...which makes for an easy template to work with.


Surprisingly, these weren't too difficult to make.  And I actually enjoyed making them; getting back into my card crafting mentality.  However, I'm bracing myself  now when I find out how many invites I will need to make in the not-too-distant future! Lord help me...lol!

Saturday, August 27, 2011

poetry session



Why Is It


Why is it
That when we are faced with
The sudden disconnection
Disruption and discontinuity
From someone regarded
With such loving esteem
Who is magnificent and significant
That penetrates to the very core of your being
That only then we belatedly see
The gravity of their personality
The uniqueness of their complexity
The rarity of their identity
The deepness of their company
But in hindsight
And cruel unforgiving honesty
I should have seen this coming
So I’ve tried to prepare my mind
Lessen my pride
And soothe my bruised identity
By recognizing the signs
To next time seize moments that
May have otherwise seemed fleeting
Because somehow
Our intentions were
Unintentionally miscommunicated
I should have patiently waited
Chilled out
Subsided and listened to your call
And cool calm cadence
I should have been respondent
To our realities
Instead of feeding into
Unrealistic fantasies
That somehow got to the best of our senses
I should not have questioned
What it meant to be in your presence
While you should not have tested
The worth within my essence
So fair enough, I can’t lie
We share a fair amount of grievance
I should not have
Wasted time
Analyzing and furiously desensitizing
An isolated incidence
Because in the absence of your presence
I’m now forced to ignore predominant traces
Of your prevalence
You ran so frequent though many an instance
And influenced deep sentiments
And longful pretenses
I’m now faced with relegating you as an acquaintance
And have struggled to find subsistence
To an otherwise inherent and intrinsic existence
I should have relished more
In our concrete experience
Because all I’m searching for
Is cognizance towards perseverance


See
I could have gone back to the very beginning
I could find reasons for our randomly pleasant
And one-off chance meeting
And dissect each and every word
Every sentence
Action and reaction
With a fine toothed comb
But I’m slowly learning to not enter into that mode
I should not query on what is already truly gold
But simultaneously
Concerning you
I should not speculate and claim to know
What I do not control
What I should continue to do
Is recognize and own
The part in which I had to play in this role
However
Wishfully thinking…
If ever we come across another moment
Between us both
Know that we should take it for what it truly is
And what it’s here for
We should not deny our need for companionship
And not let it take over
And impede our self-growth
We should take what we instinctually
And intimately know
About us and each other
And raise it
Appreciate it
Watch it
Sit upon that throne
So that we won’t ever forget
How dangerously close
We were to losing it
Because unfortunately
Not many people come across
Moments like those
The rare chance to grasp it
Atone for it and transpose
Ironically
I yearn for it
I aspire to capture it
If ever that moment arose
But for the time being
Naturally
I at least have the chance to express it
Through my therapeutic
And poetic prose
It’s my only answer and comfort
To the question originally posed
Why is it




-j.sanjuan






-Submission for Open Link Night, DVerse Poets Pub.  Link, Enjoy, Share!

Friday, August 26, 2011

listening pleasure

On the time of year during her passing (it's been 10 years already!)...here is another classic Aaliyah song...enjoy!




Tuesday, August 23, 2011

ok...I did it...

...I joined Twitter!......lol.
It took a while for the convincing to kick in (most especially from my sis-in law). :D  But, I bit the bullet! And I've finally arrived!


My main motivation to open up a Twitter account was to start getting more involved with the local poetry community in Vancouver.  For those of you who already know, poetry/writing is my first love.  And I've been really wanting to push my boundaries in attempts to find different inspiration and creativity for my poems.


So voila!  I thought this would be the quickest and simplest way to do so.  And I have to admit, I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of energy I can draw from this, as well, getting excited as to what wonderful poets and artists are out there!


So come and find me: @j_poetry
I'm still in the skeleton stages of set-up...so bear with me while I slowly start making it pretty like this here beloved blog of mine.  LOL


Looking forward to this new step in self-discovery.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

quotes

Sure, I have my fears.
It can hinder my progress.
Or drive me to face it and conquer it.
Either way, I have to acknowledge it's there.
It exists.
There are some fears:
-I still struggle with.
-I've allowed to dictate my actions.
-I've let take over and cloud my judgement.
(This can stem from a lot of things.  Everything from wanting to be accepted to not wanting to be alone, and all things in between)
-I've found are profoundly personal.
-I've also found are genuinely universal.
-I choose not to face (for whatever reason--the "I'm not ready" excuse).
-I've conquered (not without much adversity and hardship).


Being fearless is a constant work in progress. 
A constant examination of self, conscience, character, individuality, identity.
Being fearless might be desirable to some.
However, for me, not having enough fear can impede inspiration.
I'm still trying to figure out and find this fine balance.




"Fear only has as much power as we give it space."
- Josh Ritter

Monday, August 15, 2011

quotes

Every now and then, I know that for myself, I tend to look back at my life and wonder certain things.  How did I get to a certain situation or circumstance (albeit professionally and/or personally), what kind of conscious decisions have I made that directly affect my position in life, and what kind of people I surround and associate myself that help create an intended outcome (simply to aid or complement the way I want to have myself be put out there).


Mind you, sometimes these situations/decisions/personalities can be a source of minor frustration.  However, the vast majority of these instances where I tend to look back at things, I am just merely being thankful.  Being thankful that regardless of it having a negative or positive impact on me, there certainly is a reason behind the things, places and people we have in our life.  Our only goal in life is to simply recognize and appreciate them to the greatest most possible degree.


All of the above came to mind when I read this quote.




"When we honestly ask which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. "


-Henri J.M. Nouwen

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Friday, July 08, 2011

quotes

Today is a breezy sunny summer day, perfect for walks downtown, by the beach or just sitting at the park reading a good book or listening to some good music.
I came across this quote, that I thought would be nice to share...since I'm all about sharing....(lol)....




"Our capacity to love is not limited; time is a constraint and so is energy, but love that makes your life better gives you more of what you need."
-Amy Bloom




Hope you enjoy your breezy sunny summer day as much as I am!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

listening pleasure

From the late great Gil Scott-Heron...


Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there....especially you Dad, wherever you are......


Friday, May 27, 2011

listening pleasure

This is an amazing piece of music right here, from Ms. Erykah Badu.
Enjoy, Happy Friday!



OUT MY MIND JUST IN TIME from Creative Control on Vimeo.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

poetry session

Give Me U




If I
Give
U
Me
Would you receive me?
Allow me
Or
Give me permission to be in your midst
To enter into your compass
Be within your reach
Come into your view
Cross the threshold of your consciousness
Assimilate into your presence
Become part of your vocabulary
Entertain your masculinity
Feel the sensitivity of your skin
The density of your being




If I
Give
U
Me
I could heighten your disposition
Revive your mind set
Take your burdens and stresses
All the tension I would lessen
I could set off a realization
An awareness within your essence
I am not here to take away what you already know
About yourself and change it
Turn you into somebody that you can hardly identify with
No
I am too complacent with your common sense
Your place, your spirit and yes, even your scent
Gain status in my heart and create strong sentiment to simple things
Yes, I replay it
Every conversation in my head
Every smile that comes to my face
Every beat pounding out of my chest
And every void that you seem to have filled in my space
You give me no other way to convey it
You present yourself so real
So unadulterated
People like you are so rare to find and
So underrated
So underestimated
Elevated is my mind every time we communicate
Elated by the mere presence of your station
And yes it’s true
You never instigate any cause for complications
We are
Two personalities both one and the same
You authenticate all that is real and true for me
And I promise that
If I
Give
U
Me
That I swear I would do the same




Give
Me
U
And trust that it won’t all be in vain
Let me enter into your circle
Flow into your respected space
Create want for your desire
Hold you down when you need to maintain
Put aside
Our restlessness
Further engage
Our oneness


All you have to do is
Give
Me
U


 
-j.sanjuan