Friday, May 20, 2016

poetry session

Even the pages of my journal knew
How much I loved you
Better than anyone else
Better than you yourself
I poured all hope and faith into our story
All strength and belief into the expected outcomes
Until the expected became too much
Became "not enough"

I stay away from those pages...
But they beckon me to come back
Much like how my spirit calls out to yours
For a sign.. or any form of contact

May 2016

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

poetry session

You thought you could handle his intensity
And as much as it challenged you...
Changed you...
As much as it made you hate yourself for questioning all the visceral feelings you knew to be true...
As much as he still brought out the utmost best in you...
You rode that wave masterfully
In your own way
In your own right
Despite the growing pains of give and take
You still managed to give him more of you than he could ever ask for
You made it easy...
You gave him the universe manifested in your being...

And when the ties were broken
The universe halted
The world became silent
The only difference is
You eventually and painfully outgrew
The world you both made your way into...
The world that you both created...
The world that you both made your home
And you loved every single moment
Every single second
Wouldn't trade it in
Treading with passion

You tried to balance the equation of time x distance with your unwavering support and generosity
Giving more of yourself that was more than necessary
Yet it still wasn't enough...
It still wasn't enough to dissolve the vast geographical meridians in your way
Even though there were countless times that love was magical... Transformational...
Even though those moments were proof... They were temporary...
Even though despite the obvious obstacles...
You believed you would be able to transcend them...
It wasn't enough...

You learned a hard lesson, didn't you?
You learned that... Love ISN'T enough
Even though YOU were enough...
You ARE enough...

YOU are enough with all your quiet strength and vulnerability
YOU are enough with your kind and open heart
YOU are enough with your undying loyalty
YOU are enough with your unapologetic erotic tendencies
YOU are enough with all your fresh wounds and past dated scars
YOU are worthy...

Continue to break...
Continue to empty yourself...
Continue to forgive yourself...
Until you can love yourself again...

Monday, May 16, 2016

poetry session

I am
Trying to find the remaining
Traces of you when we saw each other last…
On my hands
On my skin
On my lips
In my womb
In my heart
In my veins
Traces that have since evaporated into silence and stillness
The kind that turns love from a verb…
Into a noun…
Into just another word
Another sound
The kind that turns emotion upside down
Growing stagnant at every roundabout
I try to counterbalance and transcend the silence…
And all I am left with is defiance
And a need for comprehension…
Where did
We fall?
Where did we
Go wrong?
Where were we travelling to…
To let this go on for so long?

I am trying
To find balance in this equation…
Because I have memorized and know all too well
What it feels like
To multiply distance
By more distance
I know that my third eye and heart weren’t failing me that last time…
Weren’t trying to shield me from the happiness, joy and unity we felt
Every time we divided the distance in half…
In thirds…
In quarters…
In meters…
In millimeters…
Until the distance was slashed down to zero…
Making everything real again…
Recreating linear shapes of your face from screenshots and FaceTime
Into real-time…
Retracing and rehabilitating those pathways where brainwaves
Recollected your touch
Your scent…
And paved new lanes into my mouth to taste you…
You are the same…
Yet new every time…
Those old sensations made new extrapolate into my spirit…
And I re-educate
Resuscitate my inner being…

Remind me why we ever left…?
Remind me why we chose this
Torturous road of unconditional love and
Passionate unrest…?

Remind me…
Remind me…
Remind me…


April 2016


poetry session

You left traces of your being everywhere
Seeped into every aspect of living
And every intimate state of being
How I now fold shirts just the way you like
How the cutlery is laid
What lotion I like to use
What healthy alternatives to choose for cooking.
I never found it to be anything else but amusing…
We were each other’s companions
I made a home for you
Warm and welcome
Whenever you were ready to come back…
And there was no harm in that…
It’s just that
Now that you’re never coming back
I am conflicted on what to do with
The parts of you that I created in my space
You remind me of my father…
You crept into every aspect of my life despite your absence.
I grew to hate it
Attempted to erase it
I don’t know how old I was
When the line between you wanting to leave became blurred with me wanting to forget you…
Am I still that younger version of me?
Or am I just replicating the behaviour…
Learned from my mother
Demonstrating the definition of love
Was to be “faithful and forever in waiting”
I was never successful…
I believed I had it in me…
And I gave it my best…
No regrets…
My definition of love needs redefining…
Could it be too much to ask to be considered or put first?
Is it too much to handle?
Too unfathomable?
Regardless of the odds
After all, I am my mother’s daughter
I carry my father’s last name…
But I am not their mistakes
I still carry hope
That situations can change…
You have left an imprint onto my soul
And I can never be the same…
Where do I go?
How do I begin to heal

The now empty spaces that your absence has unpleasantly revealed?

May 2016

poetry session

You asked me to write you a love poem
Because it let you know how much I loved you
And I wrote them
Alchemistic in nature
I turned every feeling you gave me
Every instance of joy and ecstasy…
Pain and pleasure
Every moment you challenged me
Every moment of anger
Of freedom and redemption
Of sorrow and grief
Of home and healing
And transformed them into countless anthologies
And showered them over you
Demonstrated them to you
Through action
Never stagnant
Never prideful
Never judgemental
Accepted your scars
And caressed your wounds
If only you knew
The universes I created for you
Where we were so intertwined
Our unborn children lovingly
With curiosity
Listened to our soliloquies…
Heard bedtime stories
And amused by them
Cradled and fell asleep to them

You asked me
To feed you
We both travelled together
Wearing nothing but vulnerability and trust
And unexpectedly supplied each other
An endless abundance of love
That it may as well have been
Us bearing witness
To a manifestation of Mother Earth herself…
I supplied you
Infinite rolling hills
Majestic mountain peaks
Vast Valleys deep
Cleansing sweet waterfalls
To quench thirsts and needs
Derived from our own definition of distance and eternity
That we could unequivocally strike the words “lonely” and “apart” from our vocabulary
Eternally I welcomed you
I let you enter into every part of my being
I consented and allowed you to supply me
Release of my past transgressions
And make new beginnings with you
Because I trusted you
I… Love… You
We baptized each other
With tantric and karmic energy
The gods themselves reveled in our unison
Catching every thrust
And reciprocating it with
Endless cultivating grounds so fertile and fruitful…
Bear your seed
So we can begin raising
The revolution


You asked me
To love you
I always have…
You asked me
To never leave you lonely
We are nothing but
Victims of circumstance
Every moment you needed me
I never hesitated to be by your side
The best way I knew how
You asked me
For me…
And I gave you all I had

(…And I would never trade it in
…I would do it all over again
In a heartbeat…)


May 2016

Back from hiatus...

There is no greater motivation than love and pain...