You left traces of your being everywhere
Seeped into every aspect of living
And every intimate state of being
How I now fold shirts just the way you like
How the cutlery is laid
What lotion I like to use
What healthy alternatives to choose for cooking.
I never found it to be anything else but amusing…
We were each other’s companions
I made a home for you
Warm and welcome
Whenever you were ready to come back…
And there was no harm in that…
It’s just that
Now that you’re never coming back
I am conflicted on what to do with
The parts of you that I created in my space
You remind me of my father…
You crept into every aspect of my life despite your absence.
I grew to hate it
Attempted to erase it
I don’t know how old I was
When the line between you wanting to leave became blurred with me wanting to forget you…
Am I still that younger version of me?
Or am I just replicating the behaviour…
Learned from my mother
Demonstrating the definition of love
Was to be “faithful and forever in waiting”
I was never successful…
I believed I had it in me…
And I gave it my best…
My definition of love needs redefining…
Could it be too much to ask to be considered or put first?
Is it too much to handle?
Regardless of the odds
After all, I am my mother’s daughter
I carry my father’s last name…
But I am not their mistakes
I still carry hope
That situations can change…
You have left an imprint onto my soul
And I can never be the same…
Where do I go?
How do I begin to heal
The now empty spaces that your absence has unpleasantly revealed?